Completion
remembering at 8:01 p.m. on 2003-06-26
I really didn't know how to look him in the eyes.
At this moment I felt wounded, so exhausted by my own emotions that it was painful to breathe, painful to form the words I knew dwelled in the folds of my insecurity...soft requests for mercy...but I am too simplified now to say.
I am sick from early pregnancy...the bastard child of a soldier, who indulged me in his weaknesses, then left me to bleed. I am used goods now...sitting in the hot summer night with a man who used to love me.
Only now, I pretend that perhaps he still does. To save me from my own destruction.
"How have you been?" He asks me, his voice grainy and hollow. I can feel his eyes glazing over me...some self-believed defense.
"I'm..."
My words caught short. Silence owned by the broken seduction of awkwardness. My breathing is matched by the waves of acute sadness....
In and out....in and out....
His smooth mouth softens, and even with my eyes closed, I can feel his presence engulf me. I can inhale the intoxication of his darkness. And when the callous palm of his hand cups my chin, as if to nudge me towards completion, I break down.
The heat of my tears mixing with the taste of his mouth. The predatorily touches of two empty bodies, pulling at each other in a struggle for completion.
It was only then that I was homesick. Begging ever so gently to come home.
never was � never will be
