74th Day
remembering at 8:35 p.m. on 2004-01-06
Baby, I miss you.
Standing in the half frozen rain. In your coat, in your boots. Staring up at the elusively white washed winter sky in a transfixed message to you. Maybe I am closer to you this way, maybe I'm just further.
I have so many things I wanted to tell you before you left. So much pride that just got choked up in my left over sense of insecurities. It was too late by the time I managed to whisper them out to you...I'd whispered them to myself instead.
Handfuls of days, of months, and so much further to go without you. I think at times I felt like you were a stranger...and now, at the hem of your tattered coat, broken zipper-- the smell of left over you, could be no less familiar to me than the air I breath. At times, I have to confess, that I feel like you are dead. I'm stuck in some horrible vortex of mourning. I don't know what it is that I have lost since you left, or what I have lost all together. A ghost of memories, waiting to come through the door and flood me again with love.
I don't know what to say anymore. I don't know how to speak anything that doesn't echo of your absence.
me.
never was � never will be
