Forgive me
remembering at 10:46 p.m. on 2003-07-20
Dear _____,
I never thought I would posses the hands to let you go.
But every time you go, I turn my back-
Entering this empty house...
The hollow dripping of the kitchen sink, the silent drone of the muted TV
Our children asleep in the dead night...and all I can think of is your beautiful face.
The shape of your shadows in the darkness of our bedroom, a deathly silent body next to mine. The rise and fall of your chest against the summer heat. And the only thoughts I can summon are,
How can I let them take you away?
Handing over my heart to bleed in their fingers...
lost along the vast desert of hostilities.
Forgive me, my most beloved for letting them take you away. You don't do it for anything but our love. You do it for your children.
These same children, who hate you for your absence.
I forget how deep your devotion lies. That you will lay down your life against the darkness...brace for the uncertainties to swallow you up into nothingness. And here I lay beside you...
and we're in too deep to let go.
and I don't know how to give you up... not into this disarray of my heart.
