Fifteen
remembering at 8:28 p.m. on 2003-05-20
I'm staring lazily at my best friends cat, as her pink mouth encases a blade of grass forcefully. He is standing across from me on the corner of her driveway, not even a block from my home.
He, with his prudently slicked back hair, gelled into ripples of blonde and traces of brown, stares at me predatorily. I can feel his eyes boring into my body, even through those dark, curved sunglasses.
I'm running my tongue along one of my canines, feeling the jaggedness of a set of newly acquired braces. He tells me that he thinks chicks with braces are hot, and I am debating whether I am excited by that or concerned.
I tug deliberately at the hem of my pleated skirt, finally looking at him, allowing his smooth words float into my ego.
Long, I have seen those same eyes, boring at the thin, tailored girls that float in and out of my social group, but I, a little round, and a little messy, had yet to fall under that stare. A deep hunger inside me begins to peak, and I meet his gaze and agree to his words.
Past 2 am...I am barely breathing...listening through my father's snores for my mother's stirring. The fan humming softly as centimeter by centimeter, I crack my bedroom window open. The screen scratches on is way out of the fixture, and I stretch one hesitant leg to the ground below. Dropping silently to the ground, The night opens up to me with a emptiness that stops me- physically and mentally for a good minute.
I don't remember the walk there...quarter of a mile or so of damp summer humidity, over a moonlight coverlet. The street lights casting a haunting shadow of concern, as the hollow pace of my black thigh high boots clomp along the granite sidewalk.
It isn�t long, before I see his dark figure waiting at the end of the street.
He lives with his older brother, drug dealer but owner of his own house. I'm not allowed there, so he gives me a lift through his bedroom window and onto the cheap carpet below. I stumble to sit on the edge of his waterbed, my bottom sinking into its warmth.
Small words....the harsh glow of a muted TV...
The low thump of the base from his stereo, turned down so low you can barely feel it in your chest.
The stare returns again. He look at me almost in disappointment. As if he had maybe changed his mind, but since I was there, he might as well bother.
I feel anxious and scared but swallow it down and force a smile.
I must be good, if I am here.
Uncomfortable chatter, leading to him pulling me on top of him. I look down at him, my mind swirling as his erection stabs my inner thigh painfully. He grinds me against it and that sleepy look eagerness washes over his clean face.
It isn�t long before I am beneath him. My favorite dress pulled up to my hips, and he is pummeling me like an animal.
I'm embarrassed by the tears that are starting to well in the corners of my eyes, and I let out a small cry, which he covers immediately with his hand.
I stare up at him in awe....
This monster of a boy, I am allowing to invade me. All for the status of it all.
He does not remove his hand...whispering in a fierce tone to be quiet...that brother would kick him out.
I stare in insolence, at the grainy ceiling above, as he pounds away, over and over and over....
When he is done...he rolls off of me with a groan. I hardly catch a glimpse of his naked body before he slides his pants back on. I sit up quickly, pulling my panties back up. Nothing more for me to do, to become decent again...as if nothing ever happened.
He motions towards the window...and says I have to go. I nod quickly, a rush of relief as I hit the ground below, never looking back at his face as I begin walking....as if set on autopilot home. My home base...my warmth...my sanctuary. Why did I ever leave?
It's 5 am. The soft chatter of birds begin to creep up in the trees. Crawling back through my window and back into my own bed...I stare at my own ceiling in wonderment.
Is this fifteen for a girl?
never was � never will be
